My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
