I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Randomize
