so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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