i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
