Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
