Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
