I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
