hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
try to milk me bitch
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
