Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
