i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
