Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
