8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
