walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
