TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
