i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
