you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
