____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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