he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
