Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
