and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He did a backflip because drugs
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
