Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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