WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
