u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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