he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
