i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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