Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Randomize
