You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
