Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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