I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
