dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
