i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
