No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Randomize
