I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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