Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize