38 yer olds are good kisserssss
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
