worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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