just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
as a side note pls kill me
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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