I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
