Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
