She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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