Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
