don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
