Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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