I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
