I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
