Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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