Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Randomize
