I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
