I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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