if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
