dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
