I just made out with a guy for $7.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I am mentally ready for anal.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
