I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
