I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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