I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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