the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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