I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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