I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
they need to just BURY HIM!
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
