Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
