so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
