Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He shit in the fireplace
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
