Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
