Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize