i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
bring money and cleavage
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
