I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
