is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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