I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
