I am puke
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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