she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
