woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
